A Parody of POTC: The Black Pearl
by Vandylia
Summary: I am a fan of POTC and it is only out of admiration that I make fun of the characters. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

Part one: Elizabeth is on the crossing to England when she meets Will

Elizabeth : _(comes across unconscious body of Will and sees his shiny necklace)_

Will: _(strives to lay unconscious despite the feeling of being 'watched')_

Elizabeth: _(Stares at the medallion googly-eyed) _I must have it! _(Steals necklace)_

Part two : Ten years lapse during which Elizabeth transforms into a beautiful young woman and Will becomes a blacksmith.

One night….

Elizabeth: (_reminisces on the crossing and gets infatuated with Will)_

Meanwhile, not far away from port royal, Captain Jack Sparrow struggles to keep himself afloat on a holy boat…

Jack: Stupid holy boat! (_curses under breath while heaving buckets of water from boat to ocean.)_

Somehow, the 'stupid holy boat' manages not to sink until the moment when Jack steps on the docks. Coincidence or not?

Guy dressed in pompous clothes: You there!

Jack : _(turns around and tries to act nonchalant_

Guy dressed in pompous clothes: two shillings to tie your boat! And wot's your name?

Jack: (_smolders his eyes) _Let's say we forget the name and I give ye three shillings eh?

Guy dressed in pompous clothes: (_tries to look offended at the remark, but come on, we all know guys dressed in pompous clothes are hungry for money!) _hmph!

Jack : _(Guy dressed in pompous clothes turns around and Jack steals his coin purse) _SUCKER!

Part 3: The part where commodore Norrington (summarized to commodore N. ) asks Elizabeth to marry him

Commodore N. : Oh Elizabeth, I have known you for a long time and-

Elizabeth : Oh cut the crap and get to the point!

Commodore N. : If that is what you wish, then will you-

Elizabeth : (_Realizes that there are rocks below the place they are standing and knows that it won't do)_

Commodore! Let us stand here (_walks further along the battlements) _where there aren't any

rocks below so that I won't kill myself when I faint and fall. Yes, you were saying?

Commodore N.: Elizabeth, will you-

At this point, Elizabeth faints and falls into the ocean below.

Commodore N. : ELIZABETH!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, Jack is talking to two soldiers when he notices Elizabeth fall.

Jack : (_Remembers that it was his cue and rolls up his sleeves, ready to dive)_

Aren't you going to dive and rescue her you white-faced lilly-livered soldiers?

Soldier 1: We can't swim!

Jack : Well I can and I will!

Jack dives in.

Part four: Jack rescues Elizabeth and brings her to the platform

Navy man 1: She can't breathe!

Jack : _(rips open her corset while the navy men watch bewildered)_

Clearly you've never been to Mongolia!

Navy man 2: Isn't it Singapore!?

Jack : …..

Navy men: ……

Commodore N. : Seize him!!!

Elizabeth : (_remarkably recovers her strength at the sight of a roguish pirate) _Do you really intend to kill my hero, um I mean rescuer!!??

Jack : Effects please!

Elizabeth hands them over

Jack: One second please! Some of me eyeliner's rubbed off! (_Jack reaches into his pocket and produces an eyeliner which he applies to his eyes)_ Alright then! Where were we?

Elizabeth : Threatening me.

Jack : Yes, sticks and stones luv, I save your life, you save mine! We're rectangle!

Elizabteh : Um, Jack, You supposed to say "We're Square!"

Jack: ……

Navy men: …….

Navy man 1: She's right, a square has four equal sides where as a recta-

Commodore N. : Enough! Seize him! Open fire! Huzzah!

Jack : (_Gracefully swings over rope just in time, missing any shots)_


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: I may have ventured a bit off scrip****t…and also..act two's less eventful than act 1..there wasn't much to make light of…but anyways, hope you enjoy! :) **

Act two

Part 1: Jack looks for a hide out

_('He's a pirate' orchestral music by Hans Zimmer playing in the background) _

Jack: (_Runs about like a chameleon, looking for the Blacksmith's)_ Arghh!!!

Navy men: (_run in opposite direction)_ Charge!!!

Part two: Jack meets Willl

_('He's a pirate' orchestral music by Hans Zimmer playing in the background stops) _

Jack slowly pushes the door of the Blacksmith's and eyes the interiors suspiciously.

Jack: Gasp! _(Turns around and gets startled at the sight of a drunkard fast asleep)_

Jack slowly approaches said drunkard and attempts several times to wake him up.

Drunkard : _(mumbles unintelligibly )_snoffle kottle….Zzzzz

Satisfied that drunkard is in deep sleep Jack ventures near gears and unshackles himself

Jack: Ha! _(triumphant smile)_Cheap Wal-Mart cuffs! Wait a sec, what's that….

All of a sudden, door creaks open and Jack hides.

Will strolls into shop, as if it's just another day, whistling to "Uptown girls"

Will: Oh baby…Up town gurls!!!! _(Smiles at drunkard)_ Just where I left you

Will turns around and sees that the hammer is not in its place

Will: Not where I left you (_With a furrow of the brow and a quizzical expression)_

Right next to the hammer, Will sees unusual pirate hat and tries to touch it.

Will: ooooo…pirate hat!!!!

Jack: Hey! (_Challenges Will with cutlass) _That's me hat boy!

Will: _(looks baffled at the sight of weather-beaten pirate hiding in his shop)_

Immediately, Will draws out his sword.

Will: What are you doing here!? (_he yells and pulls a strand of hair to his eyes, to complete the 'effect')_

Jack: Dueling with you, lover boy!

Jack and Will continue to fence and demonstrate their mastery on the arts of fencing.

Jack: Your footwork's good m'boy!

Will: I practice three hours a day! Ha! (_shifts to the left and pokes around with sword)_

Jack:……………….

Jack stops all of a sudden and slaps himself on the neck.

Will puts sword down and looks concerned.

Will: What is it dude?

Jack: Ah nothing, just a tropical mosquito. I swear, next time I'm anchoring in England. Stupid bloodsucker! (_Scowls at mosquito)_

Will: (_Places hand on hip_) Yes, I've heard the weather in England's fine at this time of the year and there aren't any mosquitoes. Perfect weather for a picnic, don't you think? (_looks enthusiastically at Jack)_

Jack: Aye so it is! (_Jack looks into the distance, as if remembering something)_And for tea parties too!

Will: Yes! (_yells rather over-enthusiastically)_ I mean, (_coughs and clears throat, checking himself)_ yes, I do. I simply adore those tiny little crumpets and those dain-

Jack: Sorry mate but we ain't got much time….(_Checks his voic_e_) _Where were we!?

Will: (_Regains composure and challenges Jack with his sword)_Ha! I practice three hours a day!

Jack: You need to find yourself a-a (_here Jack breaks into a fit of coughing and spits out an enormous hair ball at Will's feet.)_

Will: Ew! That's gross!!!!!!! Ew ew ew ew ew (_jumps about)_

Jack: You n-need…(_stops and wipes snot off nose)…_to f-find yourself a girl!

Will:……..

Jack:……..(_Looks down at Will's unmentionable)_

You're not a Eunich are you?

Will: (points sword at Jack)

All of a sudden, door breaks open and a horde of navy men come stampeding in

Commodore N.: FREEZE!

Both Will and Jack drop their cutlasses and stare, mute

Commodore N.: HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD AND NOBODY GETS HURT!

Jack:……

Drunkard:…………zzz

Commodore N.:(clears his throat rather significantly)

Will: (Understanding, pokes drunkard and whispers in his ear) Hey,…wake up! Rise n shine, ol buddy!...(aside)…you're supposed to hit Jack with yer bottle..

Drunkard: Ho hum! (bashes Jack at the back of his head)

Jack: (Rolls his eyes back and faints)

Will: (Unable to cope with drama…..also faints on top of Jack)

Commodore N.: Oh dear me, looks like we've got a situation here boys!

Navy men: (mumbling to one another)

Commodore N.: Well, what are you waiting for!? SEIZE HIM!

Navy man 1: Sir, behind you! Watch out!

But it's too late for the drunkard bashes the back of Commodore N.'s head too

Commodore N.: (waves white flag and faints on top of Jack and Will)

Navy man 1: Oh dearie me!

Navy men: ……………….

Drunkard: (Slaps bottle in hand and eyes the navy men)….Which one of yuse lily-livered folks is next eh??

Navy men: (disappear)


End file.
